20 Easy Ways to Annoy Your Professor

Want to impress your professor? Then here’s a list of things for you not to do. Trust me—I used to be a professor, and if you’re looking for a way to get under your professor’s skin, here’s your guidebook!

  1. Whine about everything, especially your grades.
  2. Hand in papers with crinkled up corners instead of a staple.
  3. Text message your friends during class.
  4. Play Sudoku during class.
  5. Have your cell phone ring in class. Choose a loud, obnoxious, and preferably somewhat obscene ring tone.
  6. Send emails full of misspellings and text speak. For bonus points, address your professor as “dude.”
  7. If asked to participate, ignore the request. Or better yet, make tangential remarks that don’t make any sense, or semi-obscene remarks. With a little creativity, it’s easy to derail a class discussion.
  8. Miss deadlines, and always have a sob story for why you can’t get things in on time.
  9. Never proofread. Ignore spell check.
  10. Tell your professor that the assignment is unfair because that other professor who teaches this class doesn’t give that assignment.
  11. Whine about how your friends got better grades than you.
  12. Bargain for points on assignments and tests. Spend at least half an hour arguing about 2 points.
  13. Always come in late.
  14. Miss class frequently–and then ask questions that were answered in detail on days you weren’t there.
  15. Make it clear that you are doing as little work as possible to earn a C.
  16. Whine about your professor on a public message board.
  17. Email a question about tomorrow morning’s exam to your professor at 2:00 a.m.—and then act annoyed that your professor isn’t accessible enough to students.
  18. Look chronically bored. Pretend like you are twelve and your parents have dragged you along to a family dinner or church or something. Roll your eyes and sigh.
  19. Complain about your professor to other faculty members. (Yes, this will get back to your professor.)
  20. Never say hi or make eye contact—unless you need something, of course.